The Decision is Mine

He says that the love that I have been getting is the love that I will continue to get. He has no desire for more intimacy or deeper fellowship. He likes a mutually beneficial relationship. Although he once enjoyed sharing his affecton with me, he just doesn't feel it now. Then there is my religious apathy. Sure, I could call it something else entirely, or make excuses for it, but in reality, I see it as just not being there, at least for now. I need to make decisions based on where I am now, not based on where I would someday like to be spiritually. I don't know if I'll ever be there. I just don't know. What I do know is that I don't want to stay. There is less and less in me that is interested in staying. It is odd, but I see that trend continuing, not reversing. This isn't the marriage I entered into, and it will probably never be again. DH has said as much himself. So... why am I still here? We need to have a yard sale. We need the money from RJ. I cannot leave this decision up to him. He is fine with things the way that they are. I am the one that is not fine. I am the one who needs the change.