Divided Mind

Part of me wants to go, to fly like the wind. I just want to get on with my life. I need to be happier than this. I need adventure and freedom. Some people choose adventure when they are young, many choose it when they are older. I want my adventure to be with my kids, not before or after them. I want them to know that life is a grand adventure. Where do God and Jesus fit into all of this? I don't know. I'll figure it out another time. DH was right. I want to go. I do love him. I probably always will, and I don't think I'll ever want to be married again. Because of the hardness of your hearts, divorce was allowed. Is this for the hardness of my heart or of his heart? I don't know. Probably both. Am I sure that I want to go? Yes, I am pretty sure. At the same time, there is definitely a part that is hesitant. I have hope for this marriage, even though all evidence shows that there is no reason for it. My basic gripe will always be there: anger and lack of love. Just because I love him, that does not mean that he will love me. It means that he will appreciate the fact that someone loves him. as time goes on and I enjoy him less and less, he has shown me less and less love. Now we are in a situation where I want him to prove his love. That is impossible for him, since I am not feeding him love to reflect back to me. How sad that  most of this marriage, he had no love for me of him own, but was filled enough with my love for him that he had some love to give to me.